The struggle works for you, not against you.
As a dentist my entire job consists of people coming to me with their teeth problems, and then I fix them. (Please keep in mind that is a gross oversimplification of what I do. ☝🏻)
Now picture the good girl. You know her. The girl who follows all the rules, gets good grades, and does as she’s told. This person (coughcoughme) basically spent the first 20something years of her life trying to be as perfect as possible in an attempt to avoid problems.
And then the good girl decides to become a dentist. 🤯
To summarize the transition between Carolyn the good girl and Carolyn the dentist, I will quote Robin Sharma. “Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.” Truth.
It was 3 years ago when I finally reached the top of a tiny summit in my career where I could look back and see how good the struggle was for me and actually believe it. Discomfort took on new meaning because I knew that meant I was growing and learning. Solving problems started to bring me joy instead of anxiety. I know this sounds basic, but once the switch flipped in my head it was a revelation. All of this problem solving gave me experience. My confidence and skills soared. I began to purposefully take on harder cases because I was addicted to seeing progress. I far outgrew the good girl mindset and am not done.
“My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it… but love it.” Nietzsche
I know the mind is difficult to lasso when you are deep in the suck, as Brené Brown calls it. But once you have a climb to reflect on, it will change how you see all future challenges. There is no greater joy than seeing your own failures, and subsequent growth and success.
If you have a job you hate, if you struggle with seeing the bigger picture, if you haven’t gotten to the point where solving the problems that define your job get you jazzed up, then you need to read The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday for a true reset. Your problems are daily gifts. This book is a guide to appreciating everything you used to find painful.
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” Marcus Aurelius
Holiday looks to Stoicism to support his argument that obstacles have been the path to success, growth, and happiness since B.C. times. He redefines perception, action, and will as your tools to embrace and conquer obstacles, with a little bit of tough love. “It’s supposed to be hard. Your first attempts aren’t going to work. It’s going to take a lot out of you… Stop looking for an epiphany, and start looking for weak points. Stop looking for angels, and start looking for angles.”
Perception equals mindset. Action is doing the work no matter what, which Holiday also calls courage. But on the chance that perception and action fail you, always return to will. We are not talking about willpower, but your heart, your soul, your why. Always return to the core of yourself for strength and you will find a way. “There is always a countermove, always an escape or a way through, so there is no reason to get worked up… the path is there for those ready to take it.”
I still consider myself a self-proclaimed good girl, but it means something different now. It’s not following the rules, it’s following my heart. “Help your fellow humans thrive and survive, contribute your little bit to the universe before it swallows you up, and be happy with that. Lend a hand to others. Be strong for them, and it will make you stronger.”
Rating: 5 Teeth
A maxillary canine if I ever read one. Sharp, strong, and provides guidance that turns you into an obstacle tackling Yoda. This book is highly quotable. Flipping through my highlights alone got me excited. Holiday tackles a life lesson that if you haven’t learned by now, then well… I have a little something to tell you.